oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will be naked everywhere
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
