her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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