I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
