In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it's not cheating when I paid for it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
