Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
