My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
