she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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