a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
