so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
