I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
