Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
