dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
