i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
