I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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