I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
