Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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