When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
