so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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