Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
