forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
