can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
