im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
