Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
