homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
