just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
