Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
