We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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