in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
