Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
