What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
