He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
