And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
