I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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