You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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