pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
