Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
