hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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