I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
