I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
