Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
