Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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