Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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