Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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