You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
