OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
