Your face is a jimmy john
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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