so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
