Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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