i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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