Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
