just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
