My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
