You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
