I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
