Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
they need to just BURY HIM!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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