he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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